She Knows

She stared at me eyes open wide, I dared not look away

I said that she was free to go, then asked if she would stay

The small space in between us gave room for just one voice

I told her that the words I'd say would be words of my choice

Translucent echoes struck the air and travelled to her ear

And even though I spoke aloud, I still hoped she could hear

I made some judgments of her ways, pleasant or distressed

Whatever mood her one constant was being self-obsessed

I asked if she could try to love her curvy female frame

She said her body was reward for how she's played lifes game

I said she would not know how young she was till she was old

And all the things that she is now, she will no longer hold

She said being self-critical, one more flaw to confess

I said until she loved herself the world would love her less

I asked her why she had to give until till had no more

Now all she had around her heart, was a revolving door

The time had come to so goodnight and wash her tears away

I thanked her just for listening today and every day

I gave a smile which she returned, though hers seemed far more bright

I vowed to make our happiness, always worth the fight

Mercy

You are the strong one
Because you leave me breathless, and helpless
And selfless
Giving you everything you need
Takes from me
Turns to greed
I carry you yet I follow your lead
In a fantasy I dream of you
Respecting me while
Knowing there’s no
Perfecting me
Accepting everything you see
Hell, even just plain getting’ me
When I look at you as if in trance?
Reality just said there's no chance
I will ever be your ideal
Until I love you less
And you learn to feel.

Brush em, floss em, clean em, love em..

Never treat an nagging tooth
With disregard or mere aloof
Vengeance cares not of your sobbing, wet pleas
It's tired of buying your lying, ‘off your knees!’

There will be no more mercy for you, just regret
Such a shame your teeth and brush never met
Why not call it your Pimp, cos’ you are its whore
Too, your end will have blood, in a sink, trash or floor

You had such big dreams, gastronomic adventures
Now all you’ll tear up is soup, with your dentures
Such a fool to believe it could not get much worse
Till a dagger-like pain through your eye says ‘you’re cursed’

In the end, only Morphine will tuck you in bed
Still, your dreams will decay like the rest of your head
Omnipotent gods could not replicate
Your dentist's hands now hold your fate.

Feels so damn good sometimes...

Feels so damn good being a woman sometimes
It’s the kind of feeling that makes me smile
A feeling that can last a while

Sometimes it feels so damn good
Like slipping my foot into
A brand new heel

Or when I put on my lipstick
And it glides on just right
Or showing off my curves in
A dress that fits tight

Sometimes it feels so damn good

And I love that I love being a woman
When my lover's arms surround me
Safely. Profoundly
Such exuberant hands touch so softly my face
Then I blush when he says he loves my sweet taste

Sometimes it can feel so damn good

There’s a special way that I feel
To see a loving child
Reach his tiny arms up to his mother
That’s the feeling like no other

Just feels so damn good sometimes.

87 Ways to Annoy People (and counting...)

1. Ask everyone you meet what gender they are.
2. Argue with everybody.
3. Get hysterical.
4. Threaten law suits.
5. Insinuate. Implicate. Insist.
6. Say sorry, then do whatever it was you said you were sorry for.
7. Gamble with the rent money.
8. Stay directly in front or behind fire trucks and ambulances.
9. When giving out directions, leave out a turn or two.
10. Don't make up your mind.
11. Improve your posture by walking with your nose in the air.
12. Tell people that work really hard that they should work harder.
13. Tell really lazy people that they should work harder.
14. Talk with your mouth full.
15. Accuse. Confuse. Refuse.
16. Comment on the weight gain of others.
17. Adjust your nuts/boobs whenever you want.
18. Keep a pile of wisecracks for tense and serious situations.
19. Answer a question with a question.
20. See what it takes for the lifeguard to blow the whistle.
21. Be the straw that breaks the camels back.
22. Clean your finger nails at the dinner table.
23. Tell people what they think they want to hear.
24. Notice good ideas and pass them on as your own.
25. Add Senator, Dr. or The, to your name when making reservations.
26. Don't volunteer for the back seat and never take the middle one.
27. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons.
28. Never do anything until you have been asked twice.
29. Put off until tomorrow whatever you can do the day after tomorrow.
30. Go up on the down escalator and vice-versa.
31. Don't shower after a hard workout.
32. Lie about your age, minus 5 to 15 years or add 20 to 30.
33. Change channels every two seconds.
34. Cut to the front of the line.
35. Underline in other peoples books.
36. Slurp your soup.
37. If you can't think of something nice, say something nasty.
38. Be judgmental.
39. Read over the shoulders of people on the bus.
40. Ignore deadlines.
41. Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and leave the cap off.
42. When it says "Reserved Parking" assume it means for you.
43. Take the labels off of unopened cans.
44. Cover up your mistakes and pass the blame.
45. Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one that you want.
46. When you’re done with your gum, stick it under the chair.
47. If you do something nice, make sure everyone knows about it.
48. Put a rude message on someone else's answering machine.
49. Measure people by their money and the clothes they wear.
50. Be ambiguous, it lets you work both sides of the issue.
51. Leave your underwear in the sink.
52. Chew other people’s pencils.
53. Get a backseat drivers license.
54. Dish it out, but don't take it.
55. Say you'll change, and don't.
56. Change the rules to suit your needs.
57. Pull the covers over to your side.
58. Eat cookies or crackers in bed.
59. Let doors slam behind you in people's faces.
60. Repeat yourself.
61. Repeat yourself.
62. Vividly describe your last surgery to everyone before eating dinner.
63. Put things back where they don't belong.
64. Take a colicky baby to the movies.
65. Have belching contests in restaurants.
66. Make the same mistake twice.
67. Pee in the swimming pool.
68. Ride the shoulder till you pass all jammed traffic, and then cut in.
69. Wear a large hat to the theater.
70. Always have an ulterior motive.
71. Always take the biggest piece.
72. Don't use a Pooper-Scooper when walking your dog.
73. Take cheap shots.
74. Take forever to find a word in Scrabble.
75. Cause gridlock.
76. Get out of bed on the wrong side.
77. Change your mind.
78. Glue a chip on your shoulder.
79. Put salt in sugar containers.
80. Blow out other peoples birthday candles.
81. Don't refill the ice cube tray.
82. Ask people how much they make.
83. Cut off people in the middle of their sentences.
84. Practice pulling the wool over people's faces.
85. Hit below the belt.
86. Deny, Defy & Imply.
87. Fall short.
88. When enough is enough, keep going...

Fred & his helpful friends...

I am not really sure when this story occurred
Or where the event took place
The only thing that I'm certain of
Is that names have been changed to save face
I’ll start with whom this story’s about
Who we'll call quite simply, Fred
And his all-consuming problem was
His genitals thought him dead
Now, some have said it was the full, bright moon
Provoking the boys one night
To wage a war with an unused dick
T'was the balls that started the fight
'This is it, we've had enough
we can't take any more
just hanging here like damn lead weights,
yo ‘dick head what's the score'?
'Aw come on guys don't bother me'
the penis then replied,
'you know this here ain't my fault
you gotta let me slide'.
The balls gasped, 'dude, who gives a shit
it's not your job to think,
we’re certain we’re about to fall off
or at least on the very brink,
you, old friend, are responsible
for relieving some of our weight
and whatever plan you may devise
make sure to get it straight’.
So then the balls went back to sleep
Back in to their rest
And Penis began to work on a plan
At least, he’d try his best.
Fred awoke the next morning
Quite unlike other mornings before
Given that, while in the night
His boxer shorts had tore
Then, out it sprang, all by itself
A tall, mysterious loner
Eye to eye and head to head
There it stood, the almighty boner.
‘Yo what’s happening friend of mine
do you remember me?
I’m the dude inside your pants,
the one that helps you pee,
You look surprised, I thought you knew
that a dick could piss AND moan
Fred, it’s high time you realized,
dicks have a mind of their own!
Now, I’m here to say, I’m taking control
I'll still need your assistance
It’s time to take one for the team
So that we can reclaim our existence’.
Then Penis went on to tell Fred
His carefully laid out plan
He’d promised the two guys ‘neath him
That he’d do what ever he can
It all took place that very day
Why waste more valuable time
Fred and the boys found a whorehouse
And spent Fred’s every last dime
And it was well invested
For he was there a long while
In fact, the whore said, ' this is the first time,
I have seen a penis smile’.
That about ends my story
Fred’s a happy camper now
With the help of his smart genitals
And a professional’s good ‘know-how’
If by chance you’re wondering
What the moral to this tale could be
It’s ‘don’t ever deny the boys downstairs'
If you do, just wait and see.

The Fact About Fiction

Those abused so confused, swear their lies are true
But why would truth force you to compromise you
My rhyme is fact, though forceful as fiction
The truth is no doubt, without contradiction

A lie. Enters the air in search of a host
Gaining strength in the one that uses it most
Quickly gaining momentum, much like a plague
And the better to kill it where it is made

Lies seduce, thus produce, more pathetic and weak
And start conversations where only they speak
Listening less, they proceed to profess in excess
The truth remains clear, either forced or confessed

The accused get confused, weaving webs to deceive
Truth simply asks you to take or to leave
My rhyme is fact, though intriguing as fiction
My truth is my virtue, without contradiction